二、12. 烂藉口
「Mommy I’m home.」
现在10点多了，该是Ariel上床躺平的时候。
「Young lady, you finally remember your curfew—now you owe Your Mother an explanation—sit down, right now.」
可蓉卸下书包，拉出椅子，坐在妈妈面前，边拨弄没时间解开的三股辫。
「Now, be really honest. Tell Your Mother, ‘Where have you been?’」
妈妈的语气透露的潜台词是：
”Don’t give Me ‘with the girls’—that won’t work.”【别来「跟女孩们练习」这套──这不管用。】
况且，这套「约会服，」跟家伦哈得要死的发型，无法用烂藉口来糊弄。
总不能说「刚刚送到楼下的时候，家伦还依依不捨看我上楼，迟迟不肯去公车站牌搭车。」
面对妈妈的审问，她不能打马虎眼。
「I was doing my homework with Mr. Wu’s help—」
「Poor pretense.」【烂藉口】
「You don’t put on that ‘dress’ while doing your homework with your homeroom teacher—」
「Mother, you have taught me all the manners.
「If I am seeking Mr. Wu’s help, I have to show my gratitude.
「If I am to show my sincerest gratitude, I am to wear a formal dress, with a ‘basket containing a cake and a bottle of wine,’ on behalf of My Mother, for helping Her daughter to get good grades—these are the rules you taught me, Mommy.」
【我如果代表马麻，跟吴老师致谢，必须带上束脩──「一竹篮的蛋糕，配一瓶红酒。」】
她马麻显然没听出，可蓉刚刚偷渡《小红帽》的情节，来支持自己的藉口。
眼看谎言没被拆穿，可蓉更大胆地扯谎：
「I know You are always busy, You couldn’t make it by visiting him in person, so I took the liberty to thank him, representing You.
「He was the humblest teacher I have ever had.
「He said he was only doing his part; helping students to get better grades is his duty, he said.
「He refused the gifts but took my, Your, gratitude.
「We had dinner together. That is the story.」
【补完习，我们吃顿完餐，就这样。】
「以母之矛，攻母之盾」──Ariel just cast Her Mother’s own spell against Herself.
毕竟衣服、配件、发型……等，都是母亲她亲自替可蓉张罗过的：这整套衣着也是之前，为了股东聚会，带可蓉出席时，帮她设计的装扮。
这下，她妈妈也无法多说什么。
她妈妈收拾了桌面──看来审问结束了。
「Go take a shower and go to bed early. You have been late for one hour of your bedtime.」
但是，这齣「感谢餐会」的剧本并未完全说服多疑的母亲。
她母亲越想越不对劲，便在她还在跟家伦讨论功课（这次真的是讨论功课，没有做见不得人的事情）的时候，电话一打来，就开始一顿质疑：
「Ariel, Mother want you to be completely honest: Are you hanging out with anyone ‘Mother forbid you to mingle with?’—is it a “he?” Mommy told you the millionth time, ‘Don’t hang out with boys’—DO YOU NOT REMEMBER WHAT MOMMY HAVE TOLD YOU—」
【妈咪禁止你跟男生见面，记得规矩吗？】
国中的时候，有一个「可能」喜欢自己的男生跟她相处得很好，也经常私下约出去写功课、去图书馆念书之类的。
结束后，她们两人并不会去其他会惹八卦的地方，就只是中规中矩说再见，而后分头、各自回家。
终于，在其中一个来得及跟对方告白之前，Mommy出手干预了：
「Ariel，那个男生是谁？」
「Ariel，Mommy不是跟你说过不要让男生接近你吗？──以后不准你跟男生接触，知道吗？」
Ariel低头瞪大眼睛，深吸口气，同时浑身剧烈颤抖。
「You hear me? Do not let any boys get close to you, understand?」
「I understand, Mommy.」
「Don’t just ‘Understand, Mommy.’ Try to do something right—don’t give Mommy that perfunctory reply. Is it the thousand-first time Mommy told you—Have Mommy told you a thousand times?—GET AWAY from BOYS—they are serpents—VENOMOUS—serpents—DO YOU UNDERSTAND?」
【妈咪有没有说一千次──这是第一千零一次说：离男生远一点！他们跟毒蛇一样恶毒，毒蛇！你明白吗？】
现在10点多了，该是Ariel上床躺平的时候。
「Young lady, you finally remember your curfew—now you owe Your Mother an explanation—sit down, right now.」
可蓉卸下书包，拉出椅子，坐在妈妈面前，边拨弄没时间解开的三股辫。
「Now, be really honest. Tell Your Mother, ‘Where have you been?’」
妈妈的语气透露的潜台词是：
”Don’t give Me ‘with the girls’—that won’t work.”【别来「跟女孩们练习」这套──这不管用。】
况且，这套「约会服，」跟家伦哈得要死的发型，无法用烂藉口来糊弄。
总不能说「刚刚送到楼下的时候，家伦还依依不捨看我上楼，迟迟不肯去公车站牌搭车。」
面对妈妈的审问，她不能打马虎眼。
「I was doing my homework with Mr. Wu’s help—」
「Poor pretense.」【烂藉口】
「You don’t put on that ‘dress’ while doing your homework with your homeroom teacher—」
「Mother, you have taught me all the manners.
「If I am seeking Mr. Wu’s help, I have to show my gratitude.
「If I am to show my sincerest gratitude, I am to wear a formal dress, with a ‘basket containing a cake and a bottle of wine,’ on behalf of My Mother, for helping Her daughter to get good grades—these are the rules you taught me, Mommy.」
【我如果代表马麻，跟吴老师致谢，必须带上束脩──「一竹篮的蛋糕，配一瓶红酒。」】
她马麻显然没听出，可蓉刚刚偷渡《小红帽》的情节，来支持自己的藉口。
眼看谎言没被拆穿，可蓉更大胆地扯谎：
「I know You are always busy, You couldn’t make it by visiting him in person, so I took the liberty to thank him, representing You.
「He was the humblest teacher I have ever had.
「He said he was only doing his part; helping students to get better grades is his duty, he said.
「He refused the gifts but took my, Your, gratitude.
「We had dinner together. That is the story.」
【补完习，我们吃顿完餐，就这样。】
「以母之矛，攻母之盾」──Ariel just cast Her Mother’s own spell against Herself.
毕竟衣服、配件、发型……等，都是母亲她亲自替可蓉张罗过的：这整套衣着也是之前，为了股东聚会，带可蓉出席时，帮她设计的装扮。
这下，她妈妈也无法多说什么。
她妈妈收拾了桌面──看来审问结束了。
「Go take a shower and go to bed early. You have been late for one hour of your bedtime.」
但是，这齣「感谢餐会」的剧本并未完全说服多疑的母亲。
她母亲越想越不对劲，便在她还在跟家伦讨论功课（这次真的是讨论功课，没有做见不得人的事情）的时候，电话一打来，就开始一顿质疑：
「Ariel, Mother want you to be completely honest: Are you hanging out with anyone ‘Mother forbid you to mingle with?’—is it a “he?” Mommy told you the millionth time, ‘Don’t hang out with boys’—DO YOU NOT REMEMBER WHAT MOMMY HAVE TOLD YOU—」
【妈咪禁止你跟男生见面，记得规矩吗？】
国中的时候，有一个「可能」喜欢自己的男生跟她相处得很好，也经常私下约出去写功课、去图书馆念书之类的。
结束后，她们两人并不会去其他会惹八卦的地方，就只是中规中矩说再见，而后分头、各自回家。
终于，在其中一个来得及跟对方告白之前，Mommy出手干预了：
「Ariel，那个男生是谁？」
「Ariel，Mommy不是跟你说过不要让男生接近你吗？──以后不准你跟男生接触，知道吗？」
Ariel低头瞪大眼睛，深吸口气，同时浑身剧烈颤抖。
「You hear me? Do not let any boys get close to you, understand?」
「I understand, Mommy.」
「Don’t just ‘Understand, Mommy.’ Try to do something right—don’t give Mommy that perfunctory reply. Is it the thousand-first time Mommy told you—Have Mommy told you a thousand times?—GET AWAY from BOYS—they are serpents—VENOMOUS—serpents—DO YOU UNDERSTAND?」
【妈咪有没有说一千次──这是第一千零一次说：离男生远一点！他们跟毒蛇一样恶毒，毒蛇！你明白吗？】